August 26, 2020
It’s been two and half years since I have updated this blog, what a blessing! Since my last post, I have graduated with my BSN, started working as an ER nurse in Dallas, Texas, and married the love of my life. What a fun two and a half years it has been!
For many years, I had dermatologist appointments at least every three months- sometimes more frequently, for skin checks or biopsies. I had at least one biopsy done every three months. Most of the time, they came back benign or with precancerous cells that were contained in the biopsy site. During the summer of 2018, I went to the eye doctor for an annual exam (did you know melanoma can grow in your eyes too?). The doctor dilated my eyes and saw a dark spot on my retina. He explained that with my history, it could be melanoma. He recommended to monitor the spot and come back in 3 months for another exam to look for any changes and make a plan from there. It was a long and stressful three months. I cried almost daily, spent my free time searching for any information I could get my hands on about ocular melanoma, and considered the idea that maybe I wouldn’t live past 30. The idea of not marrying Jesse, not having babies, not watching them grow up, not spending more time with parents, not growing old with Jesse- these thoughts consumed me for the entire 3 months. I didn’t know if it was cancer or not, but my stress level was through the roof and I could not pull myself out of that dark place. Before my 3 month follow up, I started seeing stars and having blurry/dark spots in my vision in the same eye that the retinal spot was found. This went on for about a week, then I called my eye doctor and was seen the same day. They dilated my eye again and took pictures, and did not see any changes to the spot. The doctor suggested it could be ocular migraines and told me to drink a Mountain Dew next time it happens. What? Lol. As crazy as that sounded, I drank caffeine the next time it happened, and sure enough the vision changes stopped. I had to laugh, but until that moment, I was convinced this was the end. The spot on my retina hasn’t changed, and I am keeping an eye on it with yearly eye exams. Nothing exciting to report so far, which is great news!
Finally, at the end of 2019, I was cleared to see my dermatologist every SIX months! This was huge news! I had multiple 3 month appointments with no new growths, no changes, and no biopsies! THE RELIEF!!! I have gone the entire year of 2019 and 2020 without any biopsies, without any skin cancer diagnoses, and without any surgeries or scars!
As always, friends, please be safe in the sun. Wear sunscreen and stay the hell out of tanning beds. While I’ve had a nice break from skin cancer surgeries and biopsies and doctors appointments, this will never be over. It’s a matter of time before the next one is here and I’m back to 3 month appointments and all the fun that comes with it. In the mean time, I am enjoying this *awful, hot, deathly* Texas summer safely and enjoying not having skin cancer cut out of me every few months.
For many years, I had dermatologist appointments at least every three months- sometimes more frequently, for skin checks or biopsies. I had at least one biopsy done every three months. Most of the time, they came back benign or with precancerous cells that were contained in the biopsy site. During the summer of 2018, I went to the eye doctor for an annual exam (did you know melanoma can grow in your eyes too?). The doctor dilated my eyes and saw a dark spot on my retina. He explained that with my history, it could be melanoma. He recommended to monitor the spot and come back in 3 months for another exam to look for any changes and make a plan from there. It was a long and stressful three months. I cried almost daily, spent my free time searching for any information I could get my hands on about ocular melanoma, and considered the idea that maybe I wouldn’t live past 30. The idea of not marrying Jesse, not having babies, not watching them grow up, not spending more time with parents, not growing old with Jesse- these thoughts consumed me for the entire 3 months. I didn’t know if it was cancer or not, but my stress level was through the roof and I could not pull myself out of that dark place. Before my 3 month follow up, I started seeing stars and having blurry/dark spots in my vision in the same eye that the retinal spot was found. This went on for about a week, then I called my eye doctor and was seen the same day. They dilated my eye again and took pictures, and did not see any changes to the spot. The doctor suggested it could be ocular migraines and told me to drink a Mountain Dew next time it happens. What? Lol. As crazy as that sounded, I drank caffeine the next time it happened, and sure enough the vision changes stopped. I had to laugh, but until that moment, I was convinced this was the end. The spot on my retina hasn’t changed, and I am keeping an eye on it with yearly eye exams. Nothing exciting to report so far, which is great news!
Finally, at the end of 2019, I was cleared to see my dermatologist every SIX months! This was huge news! I had multiple 3 month appointments with no new growths, no changes, and no biopsies! THE RELIEF!!! I have gone the entire year of 2019 and 2020 without any biopsies, without any skin cancer diagnoses, and without any surgeries or scars!
As always, friends, please be safe in the sun. Wear sunscreen and stay the hell out of tanning beds. While I’ve had a nice break from skin cancer surgeries and biopsies and doctors appointments, this will never be over. It’s a matter of time before the next one is here and I’m back to 3 month appointments and all the fun that comes with it. In the mean time, I am enjoying this *awful, hot, deathly* Texas summer safely and enjoying not having skin cancer cut out of me every few months.
April 18, 2018
The results from the surgery in October were fantastic- no signs of malignant cells. The surgeon and I decided it would be in my best interest to remove the entire scar from my previous surgery to search for malignancy, rather than a small biopsy. The recovery sucked as always but has healed wonderfully and has actually left a slightly smaller scar than before due to the way it was sutured together. I have been so busy with nursing school that it completely slipped my mind to update this blog after the surgery.
October 4, 2017
The consult with my surgeon went well. After discussing the possibilities and the options, we decided it would be best to go ahead and remove all of the scar tissue in the site. It will then be sent to pathology to determine if any of this tissue is cancerous, and we will go from there. My surgeon is optimistic that it will be benign, but is taking a cautious approach due to my history with skin cancer. I will post another update once the surgery is complete and I have the pathology reports back. Surgery is scheduled for October 25th.
As always, any prayers, good vibes, happy thoughts, pr whatever floats your boat would be so appreciated. I've got such an amazing support system of family and friends and could not be more grateful.
Wear your sunscreen!
Love Ali
As always, any prayers, good vibes, happy thoughts, pr whatever floats your boat would be so appreciated. I've got such an amazing support system of family and friends and could not be more grateful.
Wear your sunscreen!
Love Ali
September 11, 2017
Level three of nursing school began this week, so the excitement and workload has kept me preoccupied. Seems that the good news couldn't last long enough... last weekend, I noticed a lump and some discoloration growing in scar tissue from a melanoma removal in 2011. After jumping through a few hoops, I got in to a local dermatologist to check it out. We both figured I would come into the office, he would do a wide excision, and send it off to pathology. Unfortunately, the growth I felt was too deep and requires a general surgeon to remove it. The dermatologist referred me to general surgery for removal, and oncology for scans and blood work. There are a number of things this growth could be (everything from irritation in the muscle and scar tissue, to a fatty benign tumor, to full blown cancer). We won't know until they physically remove it and can see what is growing.
I am scheduled for a surgical consultation on the 20th. So far I've been handling this well and trying not to stress too much. Crossing my fingers for it being nothing and going about life as usual.
I am scheduled for a surgical consultation on the 20th. So far I've been handling this well and trying not to stress too much. Crossing my fingers for it being nothing and going about life as usual.
July 19, 2017
I had my three month follow up appointment today.
THIS WAS THE FIRST DERMATOLOGY APPOINTMENT IN TWO YEARS
THAT I DID NOT HAVE TO HAVE A BIOPSY OR SURGERY!
No lidocaine, no biopsy, no surgery, no stitches. Everything looked normal and I walked out with a big smile on my face. There are a few spots that we are going to monitor, but for now it's just "wait and see". But after years of stressful appointments and procedures, "wait and see" is the best news I have ever heard from a dermatologist! Woohoo! I go back in October for another follow up, and hopefully the good news will just keep on coming.
THIS WAS THE FIRST DERMATOLOGY APPOINTMENT IN TWO YEARS
THAT I DID NOT HAVE TO HAVE A BIOPSY OR SURGERY!
No lidocaine, no biopsy, no surgery, no stitches. Everything looked normal and I walked out with a big smile on my face. There are a few spots that we are going to monitor, but for now it's just "wait and see". But after years of stressful appointments and procedures, "wait and see" is the best news I have ever heard from a dermatologist! Woohoo! I go back in October for another follow up, and hopefully the good news will just keep on coming.
May 26, 2017
I am back home and recovering from surgery this morning. Did you know the Friday before Memorial Day is "Don't Fry Day"? A reminder to wear sunscreen and be smart in the sun during that first long summer weekend. How fitting that I had another chunk of skin hacked out of me on a day that is supposed to help protect you from that very thing.
They removed a section of skin four inches across and two inches wide on the back side of my left hip. They pulled the skin back together and stitched me up. The pain is horrible. Tylenol 3's aren't even doing me much good.
I am tired. Not just because I couldn't sleep last night and stayed up until we left for Lubbock at 4:45 am. Not because I've been working and preparing for my second semester of nursing school. No, I am emotionally tired. I have been through every emotion in the book since this whole thing started, but for the past few months I have made peace with this. I decided to be strong and go with grace and humor into each appointment, each biopsy, each surgery. I went about my week pretty normal leading up to today, not giving much thought to what would happen this morning. After all, I'm a skin surgery expert by this point. Even the staff at the office says things like "well, you know the drill" when I come into the room, and "I'm sure I don't need to repeat all the post-op instructions so here's your papers", and "see you next month". I'm a pro. Not something I ever wanted to be a "pro" at, but I have accepted it. Something in me snapped today while I was lying on the table. I sobbed. I ugly cried. I had mascara running down my face and a soaked pillow case within five minutes.
I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm sick of doing this. I'm sick of surgeries. I'm sick of getting that damn phone call saying we need to schedule another surgery because a biopsy came back abnormal. I'm sick of driving to Lubbock. I'm sick of adding more scars to my collection. I'm sick of suture removals. I'm sick of the painful recoveries. I'm sick of fearing every stupid thing that shows up on my skin. I'm sick of examining moles and studying every mark on my body. I'm sick of the whole thing. I want my life and my body to go back to normal. Why does this have to happen to me so young? I'm over it, to put it bluntly.
Then I remember the flood of texts and Facebook messages I received after posting this blog and sharing my story. People saying they have changed the way they enjoy the sun, have stopped using tanning beds, have started wearing sun screen every time they are in the sun. My heart is overflowing with love and the joy of knowing I am making some difference, even if it's small. If one person... ONE PERSON... doesn't have to go through this... that is enough for me.
This is hard. It is mentally and physically taxing, leaving scars and holes in my body with each surgery. I have to work really hard to remind myself that those scars aren't ugly and that I am still beautiful in my skin. I have good days and I have bad days when the fear and the resentment and anger take over. It's a daily battle to tell myself that my story matters, that these surgeries are saving my life, and that I am still beautiful- scars and all. The good days are far more often than the bad, but for this blog to be real, honest, raw... I need to share the bad ones too. Today was very hard. But tomorrow is a new day.
They removed a section of skin four inches across and two inches wide on the back side of my left hip. They pulled the skin back together and stitched me up. The pain is horrible. Tylenol 3's aren't even doing me much good.
I am tired. Not just because I couldn't sleep last night and stayed up until we left for Lubbock at 4:45 am. Not because I've been working and preparing for my second semester of nursing school. No, I am emotionally tired. I have been through every emotion in the book since this whole thing started, but for the past few months I have made peace with this. I decided to be strong and go with grace and humor into each appointment, each biopsy, each surgery. I went about my week pretty normal leading up to today, not giving much thought to what would happen this morning. After all, I'm a skin surgery expert by this point. Even the staff at the office says things like "well, you know the drill" when I come into the room, and "I'm sure I don't need to repeat all the post-op instructions so here's your papers", and "see you next month". I'm a pro. Not something I ever wanted to be a "pro" at, but I have accepted it. Something in me snapped today while I was lying on the table. I sobbed. I ugly cried. I had mascara running down my face and a soaked pillow case within five minutes.
I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm sick of doing this. I'm sick of surgeries. I'm sick of getting that damn phone call saying we need to schedule another surgery because a biopsy came back abnormal. I'm sick of driving to Lubbock. I'm sick of adding more scars to my collection. I'm sick of suture removals. I'm sick of the painful recoveries. I'm sick of fearing every stupid thing that shows up on my skin. I'm sick of examining moles and studying every mark on my body. I'm sick of the whole thing. I want my life and my body to go back to normal. Why does this have to happen to me so young? I'm over it, to put it bluntly.
Then I remember the flood of texts and Facebook messages I received after posting this blog and sharing my story. People saying they have changed the way they enjoy the sun, have stopped using tanning beds, have started wearing sun screen every time they are in the sun. My heart is overflowing with love and the joy of knowing I am making some difference, even if it's small. If one person... ONE PERSON... doesn't have to go through this... that is enough for me.
This is hard. It is mentally and physically taxing, leaving scars and holes in my body with each surgery. I have to work really hard to remind myself that those scars aren't ugly and that I am still beautiful in my skin. I have good days and I have bad days when the fear and the resentment and anger take over. It's a daily battle to tell myself that my story matters, that these surgeries are saving my life, and that I am still beautiful- scars and all. The good days are far more often than the bad, but for this blog to be real, honest, raw... I need to share the bad ones too. Today was very hard. But tomorrow is a new day.
May 1st , 2017
Two weeks ago, I went for my three month full body check. On top of measuring and examining each mole on my body, a few areas of special concern were biopsied. One of the surgeries I had done in December showed new growth over the scar tissue- a dark, fast-growing, irregular shaped mole. This is especially worrisome since it was new growth over a site where there was a melanocytic proliferation. This area was biopsied along with a small amount of the scar tissue to examine the cells and the borders. The second biopsy was a "little pink bump" (seriously, that's actually what it is called) that showed up on my back within the last few months. Little pink bumps are generally not a concern in a healthy patient with no cancer history, but for those with a history of skin cancer, these guys can be dangerous. They can be a type of melanoma with no pigment, basal cell carcinoma, or 1,000 other things that are non-malignant. But patients with a history of skin cancer tend to have more problems with little pink bumps, so we biopsied it.
Late last week, the office called with the two biopsy results. I truly had prepared myself for the worst. With the little pink bump, the odds of it being cancerous were in my favor. The new growth on the scar tissue was so aggressive and was growing over a site where melanocytic cells were removed. I was ready for a cancer diagnosis (or two) that might change my world. Hoping for the best, but ready for the worst.
The little pink bump came back as benign- no surgery, just monitor the biopsy site for any changes.
The new growth on the scar tissue came back with atypical cells and unclear borders. Surgery is indicated to remove the cells.
So I have a surgery scheduled this month for another wide excision on top of the wide excision I had done in December (that one might hurt a little). But I feel like I hit the biopsy result lottery this time. I was ready for two surgeries and possibly further treatment for melanoma. And I get to walk away this time with one surgery and a diagnosis that doesn't have cancer attached to it. I will post pictures after my surgery and do another update confirming they got clear borders.
On an exciting note, I had an interview with the Melanoma Research Alliance and will be featured this month! The support from everyone has been overwhelming and I can't thank each one of you enough for taking the time to read this blog. Once the article is published I will post the link under the updates tab.
P.S.- Don't forget to wear your sunscreen :)
Late last week, the office called with the two biopsy results. I truly had prepared myself for the worst. With the little pink bump, the odds of it being cancerous were in my favor. The new growth on the scar tissue was so aggressive and was growing over a site where melanocytic cells were removed. I was ready for a cancer diagnosis (or two) that might change my world. Hoping for the best, but ready for the worst.
The little pink bump came back as benign- no surgery, just monitor the biopsy site for any changes.
The new growth on the scar tissue came back with atypical cells and unclear borders. Surgery is indicated to remove the cells.
So I have a surgery scheduled this month for another wide excision on top of the wide excision I had done in December (that one might hurt a little). But I feel like I hit the biopsy result lottery this time. I was ready for two surgeries and possibly further treatment for melanoma. And I get to walk away this time with one surgery and a diagnosis that doesn't have cancer attached to it. I will post pictures after my surgery and do another update confirming they got clear borders.
On an exciting note, I had an interview with the Melanoma Research Alliance and will be featured this month! The support from everyone has been overwhelming and I can't thank each one of you enough for taking the time to read this blog. Once the article is published I will post the link under the updates tab.
P.S.- Don't forget to wear your sunscreen :)